NEW RECORD!

*Smash Bros. Announcer voice*

GAME!

I like that my Smash Bros. comment still holds up today.

Haha!

Resident Evil Origins Collection
Switch https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07P6MF2PF/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_cUAYEb9CZK2RT

Added.

Title: Pixel Ripped 1995
Platform: PS4
Genre:
Developer: Arvore Immersive Experiences, LLC
Publisher: Arvore Immersive Experiences, LLC
Release date: (05/12/20 - NA) (05/19/20 - EU)

Added.

Thanks. Though, you marked the EU release date as 2021.

I'll have to fix that faulty line in Eevee when I get a chance (probably later tonight). But more importantly, thank you for the placement! It's funny, because I kept thinking of you and the Kemco Khallenge every time I played that 7 Pillars game. I'm just glad I got through it.

Thank you greatly for the win! I considered scrapping the "break your fingers" part because it sounded a bit mean-spirited. I try to get away from that in bash reviews, but it's sometimes hard to. Congrats as well to those who placed!

Four people, six reviews because Joe apparently has this deal going on where the more he has going on with additional family members and everything else, the more reviews he churns out. It's actually kind of awe-inspiring. There he was early in the year saying stuff like, "Might need to step back a bit because a new one is on the way!" and now he's busting out three reviews a week while my "nothing goin' on" ass is really proud if I can get three out in a month. There has to be some sort of secret and I bet it involves cloning.

For a minute, I was a bit disappointed because Mariner's review of Trials of Mana isn't set for my week. Until I looked at the review and saw that the key word was "Mana" and not "Trials". For a minute, I was thinking that I'd missed out on another Trials game and got excited to read about it and then hunt it down, but since it's just a Mana game, no biggie!

Here's some critiques or random stream-of-consciousness thoughts that may or may not have to do with what you guys wrote about! With honorable mention type talk going first, as usual.

Since Joe had three reviews, here's some stuff on two of them. The Pokemon review was a solid look at an upgraded remake of an old game in this never-ending series. Had one part where I was confused. Eevee is your main…uh, whatever the hell it is in this game and you said in the fighting paragraph (directly under the water pic with the character riding a sea monster) the game does throw out the occasional monster it can't handle. And your solution is to make a party including ones that "can wreck Eevee's weaknesses". Is that supposed to be something else, because I'm confused as to why you'd want to wreck your own character's weaknesses? Other than that, a strong review that does a good job of giving an in-depth look at things, including how the Switch's motion control stuff isn't exactly helpful at times.

With Long Reach, you also had a solid review. I mean, with your constantly churning out of reviews, it'd be nice if one really stunk so I wouldn't feel so bad about my comparative lack of production, but no, you brought out three placement-worthy reviews in one week. Just another week in the life, eh? Anyway, this was another enjoyable read that did a great job of showing how a cool premise was ruined by poor attempts of humor that feel misplaced, as well as a character who's impossible to really care about because he had no personality other than "make poorly timed sarcastic/dickish comments". With how many horror games you've covered, it's impossible to not look at you as a voice of authority on what works and what doesn't in these games and you definitely have a properly confident voice when discussing things, which makes this a very enjoyable and informative review to read.

Brian's review of Earthlock is respectable, but seems to suffer from the issue of assuming the reader is familiar with the base game while he's reviewing the enhanced edition. There are paragraphs explaining how something was implemented in a superior fashion in this version and a decent description of the combat system, but there's what I'd consider to be the "glue" that's missing. Mainly that I have virtually no idea about what this game is about, other than your descriptions of the gameplay. Since JRPGs have taken a big turn towards story-telling over the years, this is kind of a big omission; at least for someone like me, who has played a ton of these games to the degree that I'm burnt out to the degree that I won't consider touching one unless there's something really intriguing about its story or presentation. Here, I know one character who is pretty cool (if not overly important) is a hogbunny and that a number of other characters are trope-y in their personality. But overall, this review just kind of left me with a weird feeling, where I felt I knew a good bit about the game's fundamentals, but finished reading it with absolutely no opinion regarding whether I'd want to play it, I wouldn't want to play it or I'd want to have played it if it was available 15 years ago but wouldn't at this time. Even a vague synopsis like "This is a typical medieval 'war between countries' story that either plays everything straight or has a few unexpected twists" kind of thing would be welcome, as opposed to just mentioning that the characters tend to come off as one-dimensional.

THIRD PLACE

CRB's Strider (NES)

Other than a couple bits of awkwardness and grammar stuff, the only complaint I have about this review is how it just sort of ends abruptly. Less a concluding paragraph than you mentioning that you only have one life and would need to use a password or start over after dying and then ending it. With a better conclusion, I'd definitely class this at or near the top of your reviews, at least the ones I've read. It was smart to open with how this is not the same as the arcade/Genesis Striders and go into that a bit. And the part where you talked about jump control -- man, I felt that! A couple years ago, I wanted to go back down memory lane, as I'd borrowed this from a friend in high school and beat it, but hadn't played it since; so I went the emulation route. And found out that since replica controllers aren't as great as authentic NES controllers, those damn triangular jumps were basically impossible for me to pull off. Overall, a good review that could do with an improved conclusion.

SECOND PLACE

EmP's Null & Peta - Invasion of the Queen Bug - (PC)

I had fun reading this review. From your snarky intro with its grips about text box implementation to your underwhelming "change of opinion" after it was revamped with extra content, this one got off to a fun start. I really dug the "plat all the forms" line -- always great to find new ways to describe basic gaming concepts! From there, you did a good job of explaining how this game works, mainly in the time and effort made to give this game a true anime feel, and how it gets partly undone by how the combat is pretty simple and dull. The end result is a pretty energetic read of a weird little game that tries to be a lot of things, but doesn't quite succeed at many of them.

REVIEW OF THE WEEK (aka: Overdrive Place)

Joe's 7 Pillars (PC)

Me: Man, I spent a good chunk of a couple years reviewing a bunch of generic Kemco RPGs where my main enjoyment was trying to find new ways to explain how they screwed up yet again.

Joe: Hold my beer.

Congrats on playing a little, indie RPG that makes Kemco look like solid professionals in the genre! Hell, from the pics (particularly the top one), I thought this must be a new Kemco game until you mentioned the name of the developer near the end. Man, I found myself grimacing in pain for you at some of the stuff you had to endure. That bit about the relic you had to find on a random part of the world map brought me back to those NES days of horrid"better have Nintendo Power or you ain't going any farther!" brick walls regularly thrown into games. The level of "incomplete" was pretty notable, too, with towns being dead zones with even weapon shops and inns being closed off. And, of course, every enemy (of which there seems to be very few, if there is only one per area) has to be a damage sponge. I don't know if I'll ever be able to complain about a RPG again after seeing the levels you descended to. Man, now I'm gonna have to find a Minelvation Saga horrible one to play now to 1-up this review!

And I'll be back doing this in June for whatever week I'll have in that month, I guess.

I might take one later, but not at the moment.

Haha, two of those games was definitely enough for me.

Thanks for the commentary, EmP. Even if, with "slightly lumpy middle", I'm not quite sure if you mean my review or my physique. But, yeah, I am fond of my stream of conscience commentary. Although, with what you said about jumping around, that does seem to indicate I do need to put a bit more attention into flow -- that used to be my main strength!

I'll get to it soon! I was expecting to need a quick review due to work being really busy in March-April, which always kills my contributing for a few weeks. But then came COVID and that schedule lightened up a good bit, so it's not been like that. Gotta finish a Hollow Knight review and type a new one for Image Fight (one of those really rare "re-do something from the crappy old GameFaqs days" ones I occasionally do) and then I should be able to tackle whatever that thing you gave me is. Well, unless I've beaten something I'm currently playing, but there's only one of those games where that's a possibility.

Two still outstanding: Jedward and Overdrive still need to settle their account.

Also got plenty of these left. Will I ever run out? Who knows!

I'm not even close to empty yet.

Go spread the word. The evil, malicious word.

How many of those do you have left, anyway?

Last week on The Walking Dead Honestgamers.com

Everyone turned up. Week judge, Masters, much displeased. Cue wailing and gnashing of teeth.

This week on The Walking Dead Honestgamers.com

Only two people turned up. Last week‘s judge, Masters, much displeased. Cue wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Who did show up with a vengeance was Joe, who seems to be desperate to make up for any dead time all that ill advised breeding has cost him. He’s decided that now’s the time to start catching up on some of his Alphamarathon letters. I think he was probably winning anyway? But off he goes, anyway.

Y – Not content to do Ys like everyone else, Joe picks You Must Build a Boat. It’s a competent review talking about taking a previous game’s foundations and building upon it to become a more complete experience. That’s not glowing praise, but it does everything a review should do. In comparison with the rest of the Joe pile, his heart doesn’t seem to be in it as much, and it does start to feel overlong before you hit the end.

C – Chuck Rock. Mediocre mascot platformer in the absolute age of mediocre mascot platformers. Joe skims over what makes a good platformer and the lays out why Chuck Rock ain’t it. I think painting the game as a faltering tryhard experience made for a very interesting angle. Pointing out the attempts to make dinosaurs overly whacky was a great example to pull out, for instance. From there, you slowly dial up your complaints until the game’s truly buried. Taking the bad combat mechanics and reliance on unavoidable damage makes for an unbalanced challenge in, turn, an unsatisfying game. This is well explained.

F – Fatal Fury got a lot of circulation in young Gary’s multiplayer circles back when, but he used the Mega Drive version, which, as it was on the superior console, probably performed better. I have zero evidence to back this up and the lacklustre account you give of the game gives me little drive to return and find any. So, mission successful; it’s a controversial viewpoint to some (for reason I assume are dumb), but I consider a good retro review to be relevant to today rather than pretending we’re in some kind of weird time skip that has thrown us back to the early 90’s and mind wiped all knowledge we have on the library of games we’ve since played. That said, I especially appreciate going back and talking about how the game is a cosmetic downgrade on even the previous title it vies to improve upon. Savage. Geese Howard deserves better.

H – Sometimes, in an attempt to curb my despondent façade I work so hard on, I see retro reviews like these, dive into my Rom pile and throw up a few screens, for the betterment of my fellow reviews. Legends say it’s the main reason Marc has endured me all these years. The upshot of this is that I have to play enough of the game to get a decent gallery selection and, while I had earmarked this game to do that to, now I’ve read your review, I don’t want to. You’ve made it sound awful. You’ve made it sound awful even by second generation movie tie in standards. That’s a low threshold, but you’ve done it anyway.

Still, even with Joe’s volume, there’s still only two eligible authors. Which means…

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THIRD - Vacant

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More Site King points for Vacant. That little scamp is picking up pace.

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SECOND > Lagrange Point [NES] Overdrive

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Rob’s review immediately grabs my interest. An obscure, unported JRPG likened to best JRPG series, Phantasy Star? He picks all the right talking points immediately; a more ambitious tale to be told than the era was used to? Unique and varied party mechanics? He highlights choice examples to relay that, like robots being prone to rust and needing different healing items then the fleshy meatbags do. And then, at the end of the second paragraph, he just starts talking about something else. That’s... a little jarring. But, okay – can’t contain Rob on a ramble. God knows we’ve tried. But it’s unfortunate that such a solid open is taken away from while you readjust to the new topic at hand.

That’s this review’s big complaint, I fear; it jumps haphazardly from topic to topic sometimes, perhaps in Rob’s haste to get to a new talking point or perhaps in realisation that he’s not talked about X or Y yet. By the time it starts talking about Battery Points, it's right back to being brilliant again; the passage about there being no middle ground between genius and misery is excellent stuff. For all the jabs thrown his way (by the rest of you; certainly not me), Rob’s a brilliant writer and there’s nothing in this review that isn’t on or above the usual lofty bar he’s set for himself. It’s an excellent intro and a stupidly strong conclusion arranged around a slightly lumpy middle.

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WINNER Home Alone 2: Lost in New York [GB] Joe

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This review wins the mini Joe tourney and also the week. I’ve spoken a lot about Rob’s review and, in the criticism I’m expected to dole out in these topics, the point may have gotten lost somewhere that I think it’s brilliant with one unfortunate flaw. Even though Joe had a small army of reviews up today, I read Rob’s first and kind of expected it to win. It’s really good! I guess I should talk about why this one has won then, at some point.

It’s what I’ve started mentally labelling as a Pickhut bash review, in that it’s not there to poke fun or savage and tear apart, it’s just there to patiently point out that this is a bad game and then explain why. Though we know the meta reason for reviewing this game is to strike off an H, the review frames it as a title of your youth revisited, which subtly runs throughout the review. A lot of us can now empathise; the game selection of yore wasn’t the ridiculous cornucopia it is today, and we all gave at least one awful game we’ve invested time through sheer lack of options. That same generation will also be painfully aware of the horrific quality of cash grab tie ins that littered bargain bins everywhere. Both those angles are levered in here. Then you take a stroll through the game, pointing out the most memorable shortcomings you’re forced to endure. Highlights include the semi-hidden slide attack that some enemies ignore, the key found at the bottom of a pit you’d never find except by complete accident and the end-of-game boss you should be hoarding for, despite no previous indication that you should be hoarding.

The broken fingers line is a slight dent in the non-aggressive approach but it’s a great review that maybe would mean less to a younger audience. But screw them; they’re too busy trampling down my lawn (theoretically; the outside world remains empty and void). I genuinely expected to rock up to this ‘easy’ week, point out some spelling mistakes and poke some fun. Instead, I get what I consider two of the best retro reviews this site now hosts.

All this positivity hurts my withered soul. I’m off to find Marc to tell him how much quicker I got my RotW up than he did.

And I blame EmP for Keatz, because that was one of the games he gave me with his little grab bag thing. I've yet to earn a game from that offer that I'd score higher than 1/5.

You were happy to pull that game. "It's not pulled from stores and has some good reviews!", you said. How quick you change your tune.

This is a mammoth topic, Marc, and well worth the wait. I appreciate the nod to my goofy little review, and offer congrats to Mariner and Joe. Who should both take another random Steam game that might not be awful but almost certainly will. You all should!

Sadly I can't blame Jason for that because, due to his moving process, I just posted it after a bit in the waiting room for the dual purpose of giving him one less thing to work on and to prevent my stuff from being backed up.

Also sadly, that dual paragraph bit you mentioned was purely my idea and I liked it, so bad call on my part!

As for the other part, maybe I could have explained it better, but it comes more down to actual game content being hidden behind so much repetitive busy-work, to where you have to make it through things three times in order to see the true final boss and four times to see everything. It's a fun game to play, but doesn't have the depth to hold up under that much playing. I guess another way to phrase it is that this game wound up in that awkward area where I liked it enough to want to keep playing until I saw all the endings, but due to the repetitiveness, I spent a good deal of that time wondering why I made that decision.

Thank you for the topic, the win and for going through all of those reviews. I've been dumping a lot lately, and I really appreciate you going through all of them.

And I blame EmP for Keatz, because that was one of the games he gave me with his little grab bag thing. I've yet to earn a game from that offer that I'd score higher than 1/5.