After three weeks, I have no points and only one paragraph of a new review. I might have to commit seppuku after this. Or write about the fictional 10/10 game, Jedi Knight: Finding the Northwest Passage '09.

blaaaaaaaaaargh

The future is not as pleasant as it looks. Underneath its brightly colored and highly reflective surface, a totalitarian government sees fit to monitor the flow of all information and crush any dissent among its citizens. In this world, the only privacy allowed is through use of an elite, underground team of mailmen, specially trained in traversing dense urban landscapes in short periods of time. Known as Runners, or “those who walk in paths not meant for human locomotion”, in Mirro...

This may come as a surprise to all of you, but my heart is that of a street racer. Yes, like all street racers, most of my waking moments are spent thinking up ways to quickly navigate tight corners with minimal braking, while my dreams at night are of having four wheels and a full tank of gas. Now, there are those out there who may question how this is appropriate or even really possible for someone with “no car” and “a license that’s been expired for years.” But it’s a simple explanation th...

Despite perennial good weather, an aura of melancholy permeates the town of Neverwinter. An epidemic has struck The City That Never Snows, and not the good kind; the cause is a plague called the “Wailing Death”, a disease whose name alone contains such repulsive connotations that one gets the sense that they’ve already been infected upon hearing the words. Undoubtedly, this would be the first reason why potential heroes from all over lately have been flocking to the Unwindy City....

There are many out there who might make the mistake of thinking Batman is just an ordinary video game. They’ll go and think things like, “it’s just an outdated platformer,” or “this just looks like some crappy licensed title from a technologically obsolete era,” or “he doesn’t have superpowers, so it’s fine if we shoot him in the mouth!” For a brief time, these thoughts crossed my mind as well. Yet after playing for just a short while, my usually normal blood pressure turned into audib...

The first thing you should know is that everything on the box of Ironsword: Wizards & Warriors 2 is an utter lie. Judging from the cover, most people would be expecting to play as a manly hero with a big sword and washboard abs that make shirtlessness a viable option. Let me warn you now; such a character does not exist anywhere within the confines of this cartridge. For those who enjoy making impulsive purchasing decisions, this may be a discovery that would infuriate the most ...

Although eclipsed in popularity by titles such as Solitaire and Minesweeper, 3D Pinball: Space Cadet is by far the most impressive game to come free with your Windows operating system. It’s a surprisingly thorough pinball simulation, for something that was probably designed to be an easy distraction, and its depth far surpasses anything that those silly playing card or IED-hunting games have to offer. Compared to a real pinball table, there shouldn’t be too many complaints as to its sho...

An online third-person shooter with perhaps the goofiest name ever, Gunz: The Duel pits you against random opponents wearing the same shirt you are in epic battles to the death for no apparent reason. Not an entirely original premise, to be sure. However, the game offers a selling point others don’t; namely, the fact that its gameplay bears a shameless disregard for the laws of physics that borders on contempt. It just so happens that Gunz takes place in a fantasy setting, where even t...

Even though the title of the piece may conjure images having to do with the sleep cycle, Dreamfall itself has nothing to do with boring. Just from the opening trailer, which is backed by smooth, alternative sounds of a Norwegian, you can catch a brief glimpse of the incredible places you’ll go, and the people you can meet—some of them are going to be ordinary, some of them are strange, and some of them amazing. In any case, the longest journey of Dreamfall is one that rarely leav...

At least once in a lifetime, all American citizens must make a pilgrimage to the distant land of Las Vegas. It is a strange land, where the air is warm at night; here, people come to indulge in more gambling, showgirls, and low-priced buffets than they’ll ever find anywhere else. With Super Caesars Palace for the Super Nintendo, one can now enjoy a veritable microcosm of the entire Vegas experience – only without the distance, warmth, showgirls, and low-priced buffets.

Kids today are playing Yu-Gi-Oh!, the hot new collectible card game which simulates battles of dark magic between pagan sorcerers. Or to be more precise, the card game simulates a card game that simulates magical battles. (That probably got unnecessarily confusing, but there’s a Japanese cartoon involved.) Typically, to obtain these cards one would have to go out to the store and purchase numerous and costly booster packs, but Yu-Gi-Oh! World Championship Tournament 2004 offers the card game ...