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Title: Spoiler-free tiny comment and helpful advice for Iron Man
Posted: May 02, 2008 (08:27 AM)
Just saw the film here and quite enjoyed it.
Being uber film guy I stay 'til the end of the credits of every single film I see. If you don't normally do this (99% of you?) I'd say do it for Iron Man, 'cos there's another scene after everything's finished. I'm talking an actual scene, not a cheap 'bad guy jumps out of swamp' shot or something. Having said that, I'd say it's a surprisingly poorly directed scene in a well-directed film, but it IS a whole scene :)
Second small note for gamers - during shots when Iron Man's targeting system's alighting on stuff, the sharp-eared of you should keep a cochlear out for some samples from the original Space Invaders coin-op. They've been used to make some of the 'target alights on stuff' sound effects.
Title: Continuing saga of Uwe Boll
Posted: April 27, 2008 (07:57 AM)
If this report is bona fide, Blizzard apparently said to him, 'No, you can't film our game.'
News item seems a bit 'cute' and skimpy on details, but here it is:
Title: Hideo Kojima (a poem)
Posted: March 19, 2008 (08:15 AM)
Ah, 2003! It was a time of reviewing madness and fun at gamefaqs. Reading Sashanan's recent blog spiel about MGS has inspired me to dig up this poem I posted on gamefaqs in 2003. And it's called,
- Hideo Kojima -
I met a guy
at the arcade
I had to ask him
what he made
of Hideo Kojima
'Hideo Kojima?' he exclaimed
'I hate that ass. Didn't he make Metal Gear Solid?
That game bored the crap out of me.'
That wasn't okay
my pulse was raised
so I said to this dude:
'Listen closely my friend,
it's not okay
in any way
to hate Hideo Kojima
BECAUSE HE IS THE BEST
THE BEST BEST BEST BEST BEST
FORGET THE REST'
Then I grabbed his lapels
and I threw him on the street
and I said:
'I'm gonna toss your arse in a cardboard box
and you're gonna crawl around my laser grid
in the women's toilet
while you're smoking twenty packs of cigarettes every day
and prissy chicks are lecturing you about smoking
and you're dying of lung cancer
and I'm targeting you with my sniping rifle
Then I'm gonna send you a love letter
straight from my heart, mother******!
This means a bullet from my sniping rifle!
And I know what you're thinking now
but unplugging your controller won't save you now
So what do you think about that?'
And he said to me, 'I think you should be in a mental institution.'
Title: Uwe Boll - A slightly less crap director of videogames-into-films than supposed
Posted: March 09, 2008 (07:31 PM)
If you don't know who Uwe Boll is, he's a German filmmaker who's snapped up the film rights for many videogames, already made some of them into films (House Of The Dead, Alone In The Dark, Bloodrayne, etc.) and plans to make more. This is a hell of a feat for someone whose entire output has been both critically and popularly mauled. If the people who like the games basically hate these films, what other audience is there?
On IMDB, the work of Uwe Boll consistently scores in the 2-4 out of 10 range with users, and the closest you'll come to seeing admiration expressed there for him is a grudging comment along the lines of, 'Okay, I'll admit this WASN'T the worst film ever, after all.'
Boll once challenged some film critics to a real boxing match, where he duly beat most of them up. As ridiculous sounding as this is, it's true, though it has no real bearing on this article.
Two days ago I saw my first Boll movie, 'The House Of The Dead'. And like some of those chaps on IMDB, I must say that this certainly wasn't the worst film ever made. It's still streets ahead of the vast amounts of absolutely godawful rubbish that has appeared to fill gaps in DVD rental stores since the demise of VHS and the boom in the DVD sales market. I speak of films such as 'Death Tunnel', 'Dark Asylum', 'The Dread', 'The Pool', 'Boo', et al.
House Of The Dead has great location photography and some blasts of stupid originality. The humans vs zombies gunplay carnage scene which kicks off at the one hour mark goes on for so long and is so repetitive that it almost becomes surreal and winning. 360 degree bullet-time pans repeatedly circle characters who'd never touched a gun before but are now performing Matrix-like kung-fu on the zombies. People who die get a 'fade to blood' 360 pan, ala the game.
Stuff that doesn't work are splitsecond inserts of footage from the game used as editing schticks, some idiotic dialogue (like when the sea captain, well into the film and the zombiedom, solemnly declares, 'Now I know why they call this the 'Isla De La Muerte'!) and general pacing and brainlessness issues. In the end, House Of The Dead is stupid, and often tiresome and braindead, yet it's also an extremely good-looking action film.
I will continue to investigate the work of Uwe Boll.
Title: New Prince annoys old gamer
Posted: February 22, 2008 (03:56 AM)
My sister gave me Prince of Persia: Rival Swords (Wii), for xmas. I asked her to. And in the new year, I got to playing it.
For a little bit of extra context, know that I bought, played and worshipped the original Prince Of Persia back on the Apple II in '89. I pretty much didn't touch any of the many Prince games that came after, though I was aware of their multiple incarnations across the generations of consoles and across the years.
So, in 2008 I reconnoitred with the prince. And he quickly got right up my nose, for reasons that may seem petty and anal, but bear with me. First, I really hate his voice. Not only the whiny timbre of it, but what it says. Half the time he's delivering portentous lines like, 'Ah, I remember stealing fresh pomegranates from this market when I was a boy - BUT NOW THE MARKET'S IN FLAMES NO THANKS TO MY SWORN ENEMIES.' The other half of the time he's screaming and moaning as he's being drubbed or diced. I expect (and want) people to yell when they suffer, but he just sounds like such a prat! I hate this actor's voice and there's nothing I can do about it!
Second, I just found the game irritating. What can I say? Acrobatics have never been the same since they went 3D. As usual, too much time is spent trying to work out where to go next in the scenery, and you gotta go back too far when you die.
I've a lot of time for 3rd person action-adventures, but this one became unappealing to me with great haste; thus it ended up on ebay, the place where I placed it tonight with a starting price of eight Aussie dollars. Bid now!
Title: Ye shall reap what ye sew! Ye shall!... oh, bugger that
Posted: December 10, 2007 (03:28 AM)
When I was plugging my electronica CD to Monsieur Venter on AIM semi-recently, he encouraged me to post information about it in this blog. He did so in his earnest yet sly/not sly way, and it is unlike me to bat down such encouragement, even on AIM, where conversations typically go to die in my experience. To paraphrase Shaun Micallef: 'A member of our audience has gone to the trouble to contact us, via the internet, and I think we should respect that.'
Within a month of Mr Venter's enstirring words, I wrote my second videogame review for the year, for Echo Night (PS2). This is hardly a return to the prolific-ness of my powerhouse years at gamefaqs, but it's an acceleration compared to - well, at least the year before this one. And I feel good about those two reviews.
Basically, life is different now. My vocation is composing and producing electronic music. I do so under the name Aeriae. Some call this music IDM (Intelligent Dance Music), some call it 'leftfield electronica'... in the end, it's music. It's music with some of the aesthetics of dance but without any interest in being played in clubs or to promote blatant 4-4 dancing. It's too weird and compositionally interested for that.
THE CONSEQUENCES FOR GAMING: I had enough trouble playing really long videogames only a few years ago when I was putting out an online comic five days a week. Now I only have even more trouble than that, since promoting a CD is a full time gig. As such, RPGs and epics very rarely get a look in with me. As of the Playstation era I've always preferred action, action-adventure, straight adventure and horror games, and conveniently games in these genres tend not to require six weeks to complete. Plus you've got a better chance of being able to put them down for a week or two and then return to them without having lost all track of what was going on. After I broke off playing Zelda: Twilight Princess on the Wii this year and then made an effort to return to it, I was like 'Wtf? LOL dude' etc. Sadly, I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to face it again now, in spite the sleeve-tweakings of one fakeplasticmanatree.
I still notice that whenever I play a game I automatically formulate review points and observations about it in my head. My goal these days is to simply get those down in satisfying form when one of these reviewing impulses strikes. Back in me gamefaqs salad days, I had the compulsion to entertain myself, entertain others, do great justice, do something interesting in reviewing culture etc., with each review. I'm a 'never say never' person, so that doesn't mean I'll never do such things again, but with time and life allowances, writing these smaller, simpler reviews (and still trying for some great justice) is my goal. And I kind of have to just every now and then or I'd go nuts.
To check out my music and videoclippery, put 'Aeriae' into itunes, and visit my website:
Peace out homeslices.
- Bloomer / Wade