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EmP How to make an EmP
Ingredients:
5 parts anger
5 parts silliness
5 parts ego
Method:
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Add wisdom to taste! Do not overindulge!
I'm your only friend, I'm not your only friend but I'm a little glowing friend but really I'm not actually your friend but I am.
BigSig Orange by ZaamIT.com

Title: EmP laughs at shit metal: i.e. all of it.
Posted: May 04, 2007 (12:20 PM)
EmP laughs at shit metal:

Kamelot: Do people really enjoy this crap? Christ, anyone into this automatically loses several billion cool points. It's all about cheesy riffs overlaying a souless, dead bass and a singer who sounds more like an outdated town cryer than a spewer of lyrics. I won't even start on the lyrics because I need to retain sanity.

Fans of this dribble: invest in a decent ear doctor. I'd rather listen to The Darkness: at least they knew they were a joke.

But then, no one's dumb enough to like this.... right?

Volta: Uses ambient noise to try and distract listners from the fact they're very untalaneted musicians with no sense of ratio or depth. Sorry, miscreants: not on my watch!

Ulver: Interesting. I like that they're trying to evolve out of the talentless genre they started in and some of their ideas seem adventuresome and worth looking into.

Opeth: Christ alive, this shit is dull. Someone wake me up when this ends. Not before, I prefer to live outside a coma.

Arcturus: Castlevania-ripped organ chords and singing into a hollow pipe does not good music make. Shame no one told these losers. They do save us from oblivion BY oblivion, though. God help us all.... (sorry, Boo!)

Cynic: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. As soon as the retarded-sounding singer opened its mouth, I was in tears. Shame, I liked the ideas behind some of the music. Textures kind of interested me.

Agolloch: Actuaully, this is pretty goo... oh wait, the singer kicked in. No, I was wrong. Very, very wrong. Next!

Queensryche: No. Shame, prog metal can be pretty good. These guys sound like a bad 80's glam band, though.

Within Temptaion: Huh. Female singer, can actually sing, music not bad. May listen to more.

Arsis: Luckily most of the word arse is right there in the band's name. Fitting.
[reply]

GenjUser: Genj
Title:
Posted: May 04, 2007 (12:42 PM)
Now wait one second here.

This is what 100% of metal bands look like:



The Mars Volta looks like a couple of nerds with afros:



Everyone knows TMV is experimental, progressive rock with elements of ambient noise, latin, and punk.

Also Opeth is ok I guess.
[reply]

overdriveUser: overdrive
Title:
Posted: May 04, 2007 (03:14 PM)
What Queensryche did you listen to. Personally, I prefer their older stuff like "Warning" and "Rage for Order"....in other words before "Operation Mindcrime" catapulted them to popularity....although I do like that album too, just maybe not quite as much as the other two.
[reply]

bluberryUser: bluberry
Title:
Posted: May 04, 2007 (03:49 PM)
you cannot be super serial. Arsis are Slayer-on-acid style death metal at its best, Arcturus have a great singer though I'll admit they can be gay, Ulver's first albums are just as good as anything else they've recently done (only those awkward transition albums sucked), Agalloch rule, Within Temptation suck...

but at least we agree Cynic's vocals are hilarious.
[reply]

EmPUser: EmP
Title:
Posted: May 04, 2007 (05:09 PM)
I'll look them up, OD, but it was pretty awful stuff. I was lead to believe that Queensryche were actually a decent band, not a revist to everything that was wrong with the 80's music scene.

Boo: Slayer on acid is still slayer and therefore bad (I can actually think of some slayer stuff that was miles better than the arsis stuff I heard, actually), what I heard of Arcurus used a slew of special effects to mask the singer's voice. Badly. And even then the over-reliance on organs and brain numbingly dumb lyrics made the entire package rotten and unsavory. The time-line of Ulver's music showed them get significantly better as they left behind their "me too" roots and while Agalloch's actual music showed promise, the second whatever they call the hellspawn on the mic who seems to exist only to bleed eardrums came to point, they were doomed. What I heard of Within Temption actually showed a basic understanding of musical structure: they were the onle ones that didn't think a drum-machine-like bass with recycled chords played over the top didn't mean great music. I'm happy to believe I just picked lucky songs and they suck too, though. I'm cynical like that.

But yeah, cynic were bloody awful and their lead singer should be forced the shut up for the good of mankind. However, PoS have dropped out of the axis of awful bands and are now replaced by Kamelot. I think anyone that enjoys Kamelot should weild their eardrums shut now: musically, liking that crap is the equvilant of thinking Eragon was a super and original read.
[reply]

bluberryUser: bluberry
Title:
Posted: May 04, 2007 (08:05 PM)
Ulver were never a me-too black metal band--their first album was a mix of acoustic and metal which was original for 1994 and is still good even though that shit's pretty cliched now, the second was just all acoustic, and the third was black metal taken to a more unlistenable extreme than most. Then they started taking acid. and I still don't see what's wrong with Agalloch's vocalist! except a couple of super cheesy spoken word bits on the first album.
[reply]

GenjUser: Genj
Title:
Posted: May 05, 2007 (12:45 AM)
EmP, listen to some Sunn O))) and comment on it.
[reply]

bluberryUser: bluberry
Title:
Posted: May 05, 2007 (01:32 AM)
even I can't stand Sunn O))). except live. then it's just my ears and chest cavity that revolt.
[reply]

Felix_ArabiaUser: Felix_Arabia
Title:
Posted: May 05, 2007 (07:08 PM)
Dude, Agalloch is awesome.

Genj told me you like 30 Seconds to Mars, which must be true.
[reply]

GenjUser: Genj
Title:
Posted: May 05, 2007 (08:36 PM)
I only have Black One and it's ok ambient music if I'm writing a paper or something and don't want to be distracted by overly awesome music.

30 Seconds to Mars - I lol'd
[reply]

CalvinUser: Calvin
Title:
Posted: June 11, 2007 (03:42 AM)
The Darkness are completly serious. I have evidance of such, from a little song of theirs called "KNOCKERS"!
"Honey, I've always had my knockers i fear, / Gim-me just an eye-ful of your rear, / of your rear, / of your rear / somewhere to put my beer.

Phy-si-cal Sex (with a touchy feely woman) / Phy-si-cal Sex (with a touchy feely woman) / Phy-si-cal Sex (with a touchy feely woman) / Phy-si-cal Sex (with a touchy feely woman)"

I hope their family and friends disowned them after the creation of this PoS... The Darkness is perhaps the least fittiing band name in popular rock. I'll take Sanjayah over The Darkness anyday. Maybe even Genj's The Mars Volta - but it is unlikely.
[reply]

wolfqueen001User: wolfqueen001
Title:
Posted: October 11, 2007 (01:03 PM)
Uh... why didn't I see this before? XD

Anyway, Opeth... ech. I haven't heard much of htee... I heard some kamelot, though, and thought they were ok. I kind of like the almost midieval part of it... then again, I like weird things like that.

Least DragonForce wasn't on that list. <3 <3 <3 Or Maiden. <3 <3 <3, but those bands (Maiden, at least - dunno what you tihnk about DragonForce) are awesome anyway.
[reply]

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