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Pit-Fighter review

Game: Pit-Fighter
Platform: SNES
Genre: Fighting Action (Versus)
Developer: Tengen

Reader review by JoeTheDestroyer

May 12, 2011

If I made a list of ten most influential games in my life, Pit-Fighter on the SNES would be there. It was thanks to it that I learned that awful games do exist. That innocent view I had of titles like Deadly Towers and Demon Sword turned rabid. Their flaws became apparent, and I couldn't even look at them anymore.

I had hoped that this game would resurrect the feel of playing the arcade version: popping in quarters and mashing buttons while my photographic opponents writhed in pain, grabbing weapons like knives and stabbing all suckas in my way, nabbing drug-like power ups and becoming a super warrior. It was like attending a black market brawl without having to pay for my ticket in a back alley or look over my shoulders for the authorities.

But the home version?

I popped that bad boy in my SNES and picked Ty. He's a kick boxer, and therefore awesome. My first opponent was a man with a black bag over his head named The Executioner. Ty greeted him with a stupid pose that took five seconds to execute. Executioner did no such pose. He moved while I was frozen in flashy idiocy and was upon me. He nailed me first with an axe handle smash, followed it up with kicks to the kidneys while I laid on the ground. I got back up and mashed a few buttons only to be knocked down before my first punch could even register. Executioner forced me back against the crowd, a group of vaguely human peach-colored figures that moved in two different frames and looked more phantasmal than real. My chances were grim pressed between them and Executioner's sweaty trunk. Nothing I did--attacking, blocking, moving--mattered. The Executioner's attacks were devastating and my attacks were paltry, assuming they even landed or were registered. Combos seemed to be the key, since Executioner was pulling them out nonstop, but getting two moves in a row to land was pure luck. Anything beyond two was a miracle.

After pulverizing me for a minute straight, he applied his dreaded finishing move: he humped the air next to my unconscious character. So vigorously did he hump that air that the color drained from my body. Even as my gray husk laid there, Executioner continued to make the empty space next to me his bitch.

I sighed but didn't count myself out. That was only round one and-

Titanic imposing red letters on the screen:

G A M E
O V E R

My hopes weren't dashed. I thought I would just contin-

Then came the title screen. There are no continues in Pit-Fighter and only once chance to win it all. You have to brawl a near-perfect game whilst struggling against faulty physics.

I spent my allowance renting this game for the weekend. The world of gaming now seemed like a cold, harsh place where developers didn't care what their consumers experienced. I felt cheated.

I tried Pit-Fighter again years later, thinking maybe I just sucked as a kid. The effects were much the same, except that I found the only method of victory was to mash and pray. You had to hope that your one or two semi-effective moves work for an entire match. It was a gamble, but it was the only method I'd found to defeat The Executioner. By the end of the match, I had less than half of my life left and The Executioner was the one laying on the ground in black and white. This was after about thirty or so tries, playing for an hour.

The next battle started and I was ready to mash the buttons again, but the brief moment of hope dissipated when I realized that my life didn't replenish even a bit.

You have to beat this broken fighting game on one life with little to no health restoration. No fun can be found between the ridiculous challenge and faulty gameplay. There's nothing, not a single thing, redeeming to this title. Pit-Fighter feels like it was slapped together in a few hours and marketed without any testing or care for the consumer. It's an experience that will leave the naïve gamer jaded. Yes, Virginia, there are awful video games.

Rating: 1/10

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