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Ninja Gaiden review

Game: Ninja Gaiden
Platform: NES
Genre: Action (Platformer)
Developer: Tecmo
AKA: Shadow Warriors (EU), Ninja Ryuukenden (JP)

Reader review by joseph_valencia

July 04, 2009

You have to wonder why, in a game like “Ninja Gaiden”, a collision with a small bird can send a grown man flying. This is one of many considerations I made in the act of playing this game. Another one: if you’re fighting on the side of justice, why is everything out to get you? Your character, Ryu Hayabusa, is attacked from all sides, by all manner of creature, be it man or animal. I can understand man, but why the animals? I don’t think sparrows and hawks are that territorial. They can’t have an agenda either. Wouldn’t it nice in these kinds of games if, for once, nature stepped aside and let you do your job?

But the fact is that “Ninja Gaiden” is a very dumb, un-imaginative action game. It’s bottom-of-the-barrel entertainment, for people who don’t care that the software developers don’t care. To answer the question I raised at the start of this review, the reason little creatures can send grown men flying in these sorts of games is to give the level designer some lazy shortcuts. Put an ordinary house cat in front of a deep gap, and you’ve got an obstacle. It doesn’t matter if the thing is defenseless, because if Ryu even taps it, off he goes into the abyss.

Here’s yet another consideration: if Ryu can stick to walls, why can’t he climb them? There are many moments in “Ninja Gaiden” where you’ll encounter narrow spaces, which you climb by bouncing back and forth like a pinball. Why would a ninja want to look so silly? Anyway, I raise this point because there will be times where a bird or some loitering oaf will send you flying into wall, right above a deep drop. Your first instinct will be to climb the wall using your miraculous sticking abilities. That instinct will be denied, so you’ll instead try to do what I call a “one-handed climb” which is: jumping away from the wall and then pushing toward it as you fall. This won’t be very effective, because Ryu does not jump very high when clinging to something. Moreover, he’s incapable of pulling himself over a ledge, except by “one-handed climbing”. In many cases, you will find yourself thrust into a no-win, no-climb scenario. Just embrace the drop.

The enemies in this game are all stupid and therefore easy to program and create. There is little difference between a tiger and a mutant football player. Both mindlessly charge at you, and both can be dispatched simply by standing still and flailing your weapon wildly. Many enemies meander back and forth, like they’re trying to decide what flavor of ice cream they’ll pick up at the Dairy Queen. Some are actually aware of your presence and they *gasp* attack you. What a concept! But most of the time, you’re expected to gradually die by bumping into things.

Do you think that maybe some creativity went into the bosses? Nope, they’re brainless too. They tend to have the same pattern: move back and forth, occasionally attack. The challenge comes from making it to the boss with health to spare and trying to get around their immense frames. Remember: collision is the most common cause of death in “Ninja Gaiden”, so it’s only natural that boss design be centered on big sprites that lumber toward you.

Yep, this game is moronic. I could go into the “deep” story or the variety of power-ups, but what’s the point? In a good game, we can muster up the enthusiasm to care about such things. In a game like “Ninja Gaiden”, all other considerations are secondary to how crushingly boorish it is. This is the low end of the action-platforming spectrum.

Rating: 3/10

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