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Captain Novolin reviewGame: Captain NovolinPlatform: SNES Genre: Action (Platformer) Developer: Sculptured Software |
Reader review by Ben
September 07, 2007 “Captain Novolin is a game that teaches you about diabetes,” the game proudly tells you with its first words. A few seconds later, you are thrust into the world of Pineville, where superhero Captain Novolin – fitted with a manly mask and spandex so tight you can see his pecs – resides in a super-secret hideout. Running on his treadmill, he hears news reports that aliens disguised as “sugary junk” have captured diabetic Mayor Gooden in a plot to (inexplicably) take over the world. Our fledging hero then jumps off the treadmill and proclaims…This sounds like a job for yours truly, CAPTAIN NOVOLIN!
There’s no time to waste: the mayor can only survive for 48 hours without insulin. Immediately, Captain Novolin rushes into the lift and zooms out of his lair, ready to kick some sugary butt. But, before he can venture into the first level…
You need to check your blood sugar four times a day, but you can check more often if you like.
…says a fugly female doctor. It turns out Captain Novolin is also a diabetic, and shortly thereafter in the first of many lessons, he has to check his glucose level, inject himself with a shot of insulin, and familiarise with what and what not to eat. Because it’s seven in the morning, he can have half a banana or a bowl of cereal for breakfast! Or even a slice of peanut butter toast!
Prepped full of useful knowledge, you’re finally ready to start this side-scrolling platformer. A kind warning pops up within your first steps: It is good to stay away from sugary foods. The enemies you face are indeed “sugary junk” and are an assortment of magnified doughnuts, sweets, chewing gum, and every other food a diabetic should avoid. They’re also bland and predictable – sweets run, doughnuts jump, cookies run and jump. The later enemies aren’t inspiring, either (tweezers fly up and down, identical to the jumping doughnuts). In fact, they’re all relatively easy to get past with timed dashes, jumps, and stomps.
That’s all Captain Novolin has at his disposal, despite sporting the full superhero look. No invisibility, no heat vision, no unique Novo-ability, not even a simple punch or kick: just the power of dodging and Mario-esque ground pounds. He does occasionally ride a speedboat, but mechanically, everything’s the same. You can still jump, and you can still stomp everything with the base of the boat. In addition, each level is incredibly linear and is a simple case of going left to right without any hidden areas or alternate paths.
With one pie-throwing boss right at the end, the entire game fails to pose much of a challenge at all. Captain Novolin can go his merry way avoiding the disguised aliens, while picking up the occasional food lying around – bananas and cereal in the morning, chicken and potatoes at night – to keep his blood glucose level safe. But in one of my treks, he fell onto the ground, face down and unconscious, just as he reached the end of the level.
Your blood glucose level is going too HIGH!
Back to the start I go. At least he has the distinction of being the only superhero who can die from eating too many carrots.
Yes, Captain Novolin does teach you about diabetes, but I’m sure the Internet can, too, without the mind-numbingly dull platforming action. Besides, if you’re a diabetic or a person that needs to deal with them on a daily basis, the whole game is redundant as it covers basic and pre-existing knowledge.
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